Embarrassing Encounters One-shot Collection
by lezonne
Summary: Draco was never fond of Hermione. But then, he never knew she was a vixen under those heavy clothes, and he enjoys picking on her for it. Continued as a collection of one-shots. HG X DM X (some) BZ, some focus on times at Hogwarts.
1. Green Knickers

Written for the _Battle of the Houses _number 5, the _Holiday Spirit: Christmas Boot Camp _prompt #46 (vacation), and the _Your Favorite Hogwarts House Boot Camp _prompt #16 (blush).

* * *

Embarrassing Encounters

He really never was a fan of Granger. Who wanted to be friends with a stuck up know-it-all?

And seriously, who would ever want to make out with her? He got his answer one terrible, fateful morning when he found her lip locked on the sofa while she thought he was still away. Being flat mates was really an annoying thing.

Even worse, it was Blaise. He would never understand why his friend chose to make out with Granger, but he almost lost his mind that morning. It felt like the world was upside down. Who in their right mind believed Granger was _attractive_?

Apparently, Blaise did. He couldn't wipe that puppy-dog look off of his face as he left their apartment. Draco considered choking himself at the site. He might've gone through with it if he wasn't secretly enjoying watching Granger blush. She was embarrassed at being caught.

And embarrassed she should be. She shouldn't make out with his friends! And she shouldn't do it out in the open on the sofa either! He shook his head, rolling his eyes. She was extremely annoying at the best of times.

"You don't have to be so rude about it Malfoy," she muttered, standing to make herself a pot of coffee. He shot her a look.

"Granger, that was my friend. Of course I'm being rude about it! You don't have to go around kissing _my _friends."

"Malfoy, you kissed half of my friends during the first week we lived together, and you're worried about me kissing just one? Get over it; things could be worse."

"You're right. You could've done more together."

Her cheeks turned red again at his comment. "Don't be a prick. It's not that big of a deal."

"It's a huge deal," he argued, shaking his head. "This type of shit is not supposed to happen."

"So I see." She sighed, turning her back to him. "Go read a book or something Malfoy. There's nothing left here to argue about."

"You're the only one here that reads Granger. I have other things to do with my time."

"Oh, I know," she sighs. "I'm going to my room. Later."

"Later." Their conversations usually weren't quite as short, but he was peeved with her. Oh well, so long as her relations with Blaise ended here he had nothing left to worry about.

* * *

The next time Draco encountered Hermione in a steamy situation was much, much more awkward. He was supposed to be off on a business trip for a week, leaving her in the apartment all alone. He had no intentions of returning until his trip was up, but like a dolt he forgot some papers back at home Returning, he found a rather interesting sight.

"Oh Merlin Malfoy, out!" she screamed, grabbing the nearest pillow. Her surprisingly green lingerie and tall black heels threw him off, and he stood awestruck for several seconds at the fireplace simply gaping at her.

So Granger had a body- and a rather shapely one at that. Who would've thought?

"Now I get what Blaise sees in you," he muttered, surveying her. Her eyes widened.

"I said get out! You're supposed to be on vacation!"

"It's a business trip Granger, and I'm glad I took a little detour back home." He sent a smirk her way, causing her cheeks to burn redder still. "It was well worth it."

"Malfoy- out!"

"Oh I'll definitely be on my way," he said, cockily sauntering from the room. She remained stricken she he picked up his papers in the bedroom and walked back out, winking in her direction. "Maybe when I get back I'll have to figure out _exactly _why Blaise enjoys you so much!"

"Get out!" she cried, throwing a second pillow his way. It was obvious that she was totally horrified, but he didn't really care. Not really. He enjoyed the way that blush lit up her features.

Maybe there was something appealing to her after all. Or maybe he just liked the green knickers and corset on her a little too much. He didn't realize Granger had a vixen inside of her.

Now he was intrigued to see what her sexual side had to offer up. Maybe she wasn't the worst roommate in the world after all. They might be able to work out a deal here or something.

"See you in a week," he chirped, grabbing some powder. He didn't even have to turn around to know she was blushing like crazy. "And don't have too much fun with Blaise Granger- he's no pro."

He knew he had her at the last statement. Granger might hate him, but she had a curiosity level just as big as her brain. She would kill to know almost anything, and now he had her attention.

A week wasn't too terribly long, and he couldn't wait to return and see how Granger was handling herself in his absence. She might try to pretend that she didn't think about his suggestion all week, or how he even knew what Blaise was like in bed, but he knew deep down she would puzzle over it until his return, just as she usually did.

Oh, this was going to be fun.


	2. The Flirts of Slytherin

Written for the _OP3 Boot Camp _prompt #1 (fire), the _Holiday Spirit: Christmas Boot Camp _prompt #49 (wreath), the _Twelve Days of Christmas Challenge _part 8 number 3 and the _Battle of the Houses _extra points 2000 word fic.

* * *

The Flirts of Slytherin

"Ah Granger, looking mortified as ever."

"Merlin Malfoy, get over yourself. I'm still dating your best friend, or have you forgotten?"

"Hey, last time I saw you, you were dressed very enticingly. I'm not suggesting that my mate is interested in you purely because of your… assets, but it's a good possibility."

"Ugh!"

Hermione was fed up with her flat mate. So he saw her knickers once and now he had to hold it against her? Sometimes, she really hated her living situation. But then, the past week hadn't been so bad. After all, he wasn't even there!

"Hey," he continued, planting himself on the couch beside her, "Who knows. You seem pretty kinky Granger… maybe we'll end up as a threesome."

"Get a life! Seriously Malfoy, that would never happen."

"I just don't think you could handle it."

"I think you're lying if you think you want to see your best friend naked."

"Ah, so it would be a sexual experience? I'm sure Blaise would be on board for that one!"

She stood, cursing as she left the room. He knew just how to get under her skin, and she enjoyed it just a little bit too much. Seriously, something should be done about his behavior.

But then, she wasn't rightly in the mood to do anything. He'd get bored of his lame puns soon enough, and then the matter could be dropped.

Besides, she hid that lingerie away. She couldn't think about wearing it now without blushing, picturing Malfoy's face.

* * *

"I think it could be fun," Blaise said, fingering her neck later as they sat in her bedroom. She was staring at him with horrified eyes.

"You're not serious, are you? I mean… it's Malfoy! He's you're best friend and my worst enemy. It's just a recipe for disaster!"

"And it could be fun. Come on Hermione, you never pictured inviting someone else into our little game."

"No! I rather prefer to only have one partner at a time."

"I see," he replied, kissing her neck. "Well, I can't force anything on you love, but remember that the idea could be fun. You never know how you feel about something unless you give it a try."

Hermione nodded, regretting that she ever told her boyfriend about her conversation with Malfoy. She never thought he would actually be on board with the idea. It was just too weird for words!

Things weren't going at all according to plan.

And the weirdest thing was she was actually started to seriously think about things. Those boys were getting inside her head!

* * *

"It's interesting how we always encounter each other when we're both wearing so little Granger," he laughed, watching the brunette cover her eyes. Sometimes her modesty was just too much for him.

"Well if you learned to cover up while you're walking out of the shower this wouldn't be a problem!"

"Hey now, I thought you weren't going to be home-"

"Oh no Malfoy, that was my excuse last time! You have to come up with something different."

"Fine, I didn't care if you were home. This apartment is a sauna right now. I was coming out this way whether you were home or not."

She peeked through her fingers, giving him an odd look. "Really, what's wrong with you!?"

He shrugged, lounging against the wall. "You are quite pretty when you're such a violent shade of red."

"You're enjoying this a little too much."

Draco smirked. "Of course. Well, I better put some trousers on, Blaise will be over soon."

"He will be? Why do you even know that?"

"Oh… I just do."

Hermione sat on the couch, grumbling beneath her breath. It felt weird to know that he was inviting her boyfriend over without her even knowing about it. Blaise usually at least let her know if he was popping by. Yet this time he didn't.

Weird.

She had only been sitting on the sofa a few minutes when the floo roared to life and Blaise stepped through, looking cheeky as ever.

"Ah darling, there you are."

"Oh yeah, I heard you were stopping by."

"Yeah… I wanted talk to Draco. His eyes had mischief dancing in them, and that made her worry. What did he have up his sleeve?

Malfoy had the same expression earlier…

Oh Merlin, now she knew she was in for something. If her boyfriend played a joke on her though there would be repercussions.

"So should I be preparing to smack the both of you?"

"Why?" he asked curiously, sitting beside her on the sofa. The fire was roaring now, started by the Italian. It warmed up the room and set a romantic mood. She wasn't so sure about this. "There's nothing to worry about."

"And I'm not so sure about that," she replied, staring at the wreath above the sofa.

"Why not?" Draco asked stepping out of his bedroom. His damp hair was dried with a flick of his wand, something she had _never_ seen him do before. He always had to blow dry his hair.

He sat on her other side, and Hermione looked between the two men. "Are you two… okay?"

"We're fine," Blaise replied, glancing at Draco, who just smirked wider. "Perfectly fine."

"I don't think you are."

"Why? Because we're cheeky?"

"Yeah, well that-"

While she was destracted, they took the oppritunity to enact their plan. Leaning in, they both kissed each side of her cheek. Startled, she froze at the sweet but unexpected gesture, surprised.

It didn't stay sweet and adorable though. Blaise titled her towards his lips, kissing her while Draco kissed down her neck. Warning bells went off in her head and she jumped up.

"Are you two crazy!?"

Draco started laughing, but Blaise smacked him to shut him up. "Look, maybe we weren't joking earlier Hermione when we mentioned a threesome idea-"

"I'm not hearing this," she said quickly, throwing her hands up. Where did that idea come from? When did they even think this was okay!?

"Hermione-" he tried again, but she was a bit too shocked. Without waiting to hear what else they had to say she turned and bolted to her room, slamming the door.

"Well that could've been worse," Draco said, stretching out on the sofa. "I thought she was going to hex us."

"Well it looks like we just played a joke on my girlfriend," Blaise snapped. They glanced at one another, then snickered a little.

"Okay… so that was a stupid way to go about things," the blond agreed. "Now she thinks we're just messing around."

"I know. But we're not. And we're going to have to convince her of that."

"That my friend," Draco said, "Might just be the hardest part."

And inside her room, Hermione mind was swirling as she paced. Did they just think they could throw something like this at her so suddenly? She never knew they were serious!

But she heard their snickering. So they thought this was funny, hmm? Well, maybe she would have to get back at them for this…

After all, she was the brightest witch of her age. She should be able to come up with a pretty good retaliation method…


	3. To Trick a Trickster

**A/n**: For those who read previous parts of the collection, as this is a collection and not a multi-chap, this one takes place at Hogwarts. Enjoy!

Written for the "Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition" the Finals round 1, using the prompts 'must you', fireworks and feathers. Edited by **lozipozivanillabean**! **Not yet edited.

Also written for the _Holiday Spirit: Christmas Boot Camp _prompt #6 (cards) and the _Ultimate OTP Competition _for emotion.

* * *

To Trick a Trickster

"Peeves… would you kindly get us out of here?" she grumbled, staring up at him. He had successfully, and rather embarrassingly, tricked them into investigating a disturbance down the hall, only to end up falling through a trap door in the floor. Hogwarts was full of secrets.

He laughed from above, shaking his head at her. "Why Miss Hermione, hmm? Why would I do that?"

"Because you have us trapped in a bloody box!" Malfoy scowled, dusting himself off. Their only cushion to land on was a worn-out feather bed, the kind that doesn't provide any comfort at all. Hermione's rear end was still a bit sore from the tumble.

"Me? Why, that isn't _my_ fault. You're the ones who stepped on it."

"Yes, while we were investigating the noises you were making," she replied, frowning. "Now come on, be a good sport. Get us out of here right now!"

"You're wizards, aren't you?" he asked, laughing. "Get yourselves out!"

"Peeves!" she cried angrily as he dashed away. She shook her head. "Merlin, that ghost is such a nuisance."

"That's your complaint Granger?" Malfoy spat, glaring at her. "He got us stuck in a bloody hole!"

"Oh come now Malfoy, must you be so gullible? We're wizards, we'll just levitate ourselves out."

He grumbled something beneath his breath, but didn't argue with her simple solution. In less than five minutes the Heads had levitated themselves out of the rather deep room, and were once again standing in the corridor where Peeves tricked them. They paused, dusting themselves off.

"I'm going to kill that fat ghost," he grunted, shaking his head. Hermione shot him a look, placing her hands on her hips.

"Really? You're going to try and kill a ghost? Let me know how that goes for you."

"You know what I mean! He makes patrols just that much more annoying. Every night he tries to trick us, and more often than not he succeeds. He's so full of himself and his jokes. We need to put a stop to it. If this continues the rest of the year I'll lose my mind."

"It's really not that bad," she reminded. "Besides how would we stop him? Ghosts are pretty hard to do anything about. I mean they are a bit, well… dead."

Draco snapped his fingers suddenly, causing his partner to look at him questioningly. "There's someone Peeves can't stand out there though, and you know it."

Her eyes widened, fireworks going off in her head as she made the same connection. "The Barron! Peeves is positively frightened of him! But how does that help us?"

"Granger, the Barron is practically the representation of Slytherin. I speak to him all the time, and I know for a fact that Peeves drives him bonkers. All we have to do is ask a favor of him."

"And what kind of favor will we be asking him?" she wondered anxiously. Knowing Malfoy, this plan could run astray at any given moment.

"Don't worry Granger, it's not going to be something sinister. We're just going to request his help ridding ourselves of Peeves nightly pranks."

"And what exactly do you offer in return for help from a ghost? There isn't much that you can give to someone for that."

"I doubt he's going to have to visit every night after I've spoken with him. Don't worry," he continued, studying her with a sly smirk, "My plan should work out fine."

"It's our plan Malfoy, there's no way I'm going to let you set up this whole ordeal all alone."

He shrugged. "I think you will Granger. Because out of the two of us, I happen to know the Barron the best."

* * *

Two nights later Hermione found herself once again on following their regular patrol route, the blond next to her smirking a little too widely. Despite her constant questions he wouldn't even give her a hint as to what he had done to convince the Barron, and now she was growing frustrated. He didn't smirk like that for no particular reason.

Honestly, it had her more than a little unnerved. Maybe he promised the Barron that he could eat her soul or something for doing this. But that was preposterous- the Barron was all about blood superiority, just like Malfoy. He wouldn't want her blood.

She really was letting her imagination run completely wild tonight.

"So come off it Malfoy, we've been patrolling for almost twenty minutes and there's been no sign of Peeves. How did you do it?"

"I haven't done anything yet," he said, rolling his eyes. "The cards haven't been dealt yet, but trust me, you'll know when the plan is enacted. You're certainly going to know."

"I really don't like the sound of that."

"Don't worry," he smirked, stopping near a statue. "Peeves will get a fright tonight."

"And what does _that _mean?"

"You're oh so curious Granger but please, cut it out. You're beginning to grate on my nerves." He looked past her head, glancing in the direction of the statue just as they heard the telltale, rather loud chuckle of Peeves ahead. "Ah, right then. Let's move on."

"He's making noise tonight? That's rather unusual."

"Right," he replied, causing her to shoot him a look. He seemed way too happy with all of the noise. "Just keep walking Granger, everything's fine."

"Maybe you are going to end up killing me after all."

"Trust me Granger, you'll live through tonight I promise you."

They trudged on, Hermione constantly in front of the Head Boy. It wasn't that she really wanted to be there, but every time she even attempted to fall into step beside him, he would slow down or stop all together until she moved again. She knew that this probably spelled bad news for her, but eventually she finally gave up and continued to walk in front of him. She didn't have the patience to play his childish games tonight, not when she was still trying to decide what this plan was that Malfoy had.

And it was a plan he had with the Barron nonetheless. She should really be careful.

They approached a similar statue, much like the one Malfoy glanced at earlier, and immediately the calm atmosphere changed.

Peeves, who had probably been about to set up something dangerous for them up ahead bolted out of nowhere, rushing at them, waving his arms frantically at Draco.

"It's all your fault Slytherin Boy! It's all your fault!"

The blond just laughed, and Hermione was beginning to seriously wonder what was going on when something else suddenly added itself to the mix of things. From the nearby statue of a past Headmaster, left to gather dust in an unused corridor, sprung the ghost of the Bloody Barron, looking as heinous as ever.

Despite herself, Hermione screamed along with Peeves, who soared up to the ceiling in shock and the disappeared promptly through the floor. She tried one pathetic spell at the ghost before remembering that the action was futile. Dropping her arm to her side, she realized the infuriating Barron was now laughing, as was the blond behind her.

She glanced between the two, barely registering where her other arm was. "What's all this?"

Draco chuckled one final time before shaking his head, that common smirk back on his face. "Barron wanted something in return for helping us of course, and I told him he was more than welcome to frighten you too. I never realized how high you would jump though!"

Her cheeks tinged red as she glared between the pair. "That isn't funny! You were supposed to bother Peeves."

"I don't think old Peeves will bother you much anymore," the Barron explained, laughing one final time as he stared at the pair. "Old Peeves has learned his lesson about bothering the students on patrol."

"I told you I'd find a solution," the blond said airily, smirking at her. "By the way Granger, the danger has passed. You can let go of my wrist now."

Hermione's cheeks turned redder still as she jerked her hand away from his arm, having not realized that she ever grabbed onto him. In her mind, she tried convincing herself that she did so just in case she had to sacrifice the Ferret to save her own life, but that didn't really sound like her either. She didn't want to spend too long pondering why she grabbed onto the blond though when she screamed, not when he was still standing right there smirking at her.

"You should've told me your plan," she hissed, glancing back at the Barron. He was gone though, having disappeared when she turned around.

"That would've ruined everything Granger. Besides, I would kill to see that look on your face again. Positively priceless."

She grumbled something beneath her breath, stalking away from the blond who was still chuckling every now and then. So he fixed their dilemma with Peeves, so what? He did so in a somewhat unorthodox way while successfully scaring her with the ghosts sudden appearance.

She didn't even want to speculate what the Barron did beforehand to send Peeves running at them like that. For her own sake, she decided now really wasn't the time to ask. Besides, Malfoy might not even know the answer to that.

So he solved their problem, so what? He was still a git, through and through. And he knew it.


End file.
